


Teach me how to be loved.

by Claire07



Series: Songs [3]
Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 17:21:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18124229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Claire07/pseuds/Claire07
Summary: Bernie's world is crashing down and Serena is there to build it and her back up again.





	Teach me how to be loved.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Donna Almaria Freeman-Tweed](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Donna+Almaria+Freeman-Tweed).



> If you would like to listen to the song by Rebecca Ferguson, the webpage is this....  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8UWa_I8vX0
> 
> This was asked for by Donna. I hope I did it justice xx

Shifting the time line a bit, Serena knew she already had feelings for Bernie even before she knew she was a lesbian. Although she never acted upon the feelings with Bernie, Serena did when she was 17 and doing her A Levels.   
For this purpose Bernie has just been ousted as a lesbian and that she cheated on her husband, the divorce is imminent.

*************************************************************************************************

Serena stands in the middle of the ward, she sees the Major withering under the glare of her ex-husband and former lover, both confronted her on the ward. Serena walks over to her and stands in front of the battered Major and tells both Marcus and Alex to leave the ward and to leave the hospital. She escorts Bernie to the roof, leaving Ric in charge of the ward until further notice.

One foot onto the ice  
I hold my breath  
And try to believe  
Can I look at you with different eyes?  
Like the girl that I was, when I was 17

Bernie stands on the roof top of the hospital shaking, she sees this woman, her friend looking at her with such affection and love she wonders what exactly is happening. 

What exactly she has done to earn such friendship. 

Serena spends time with her to calm her down. They sit huddled together on the concrete edge of the chimney, enjoying the warmth radiating from it on this windy but clear day.  
“I once kissed a girl……. I was studying for my A levels…..….” Serena leaves the piece of information hanging. Bernie turns her face, their eyes lock and thats how they stay for a while.

The fallen empires,  
The shattered glass  
The wicked echos of my past.  
I've seen it all before, that's why I'm asking.

The pigeon breaks the spell. 

Bernie explains carefully about what happened with Alex and being on tour, why she never truly loved Marcus, how all this time she felt different but didn’t know why until Alex kissed her.   
How her whole world came crashing down around her, how she feels as though she is in a greenhouse that has all of its glass smashed around her, every mistake she has made in her life is etched on each pane of glass, now laying broken at her feet.   
Serena listens, she doesn’t say anything, they just hold hands and Bernie is grateful that she can just let go, let it all out, as if she is sweeping up her past, collecting it and trying to piece it back together with a different outcome.

Eventually Bernie turns to Serena again, she melts under the broken Major’s gaze as she asks “why didn’t you do anything about it when you were 17?”

 

Will you still be here tomorrow  
Or will you leave in the dead of the night?  
So your waves don't crash around me,  
I'm staying one step ahead of the tide.  
Will you leave me lost in my shadows  
Or will you pull me into your light?  
Teach me how to be loved  
Teach me how to be loved

Bernie is frightened of the truth that she has told Serena, she knows what Serena went through with Edward. She wonders out loud if she will still be her friend tomorrow and is down hearted when Serena says she won’t. Serena raises and walks around the roof, hurt seen in Bernie’s eyes is too much for her to bare, her friend, her best friend is hurting so much.   
Everyone she has ever known has walked away from her.  
Serena walked towards Bernie, turns her head so they could once again look each other in the eye. They both see something, something different that has shifted between then but only one of them knows what it is. “I am sor……” Bernie began to say but a quick soft kiss to the lips stops her from saying any more. When they pull apart, just millimetres, the sun beams through the clouds on them both. Bernie brings their lips back together again and whispers against her lips “teach me how to be loved.”

I got caught up in a daze  
Of the wine and roses  
Such a sweet escape  
But I watched it all slip away  
Like running water from my hands  
Raining on this picture land

They leave the hospital, Serena texts Ric that neither she nor Bernie will be back on the ward today or tomorrow, maybe even the day after, then switches her phone off along with Bernies. They head to the shopping centre buy enough clothes for the next few days and head off to the coast just outside of Bristol. When they arrive it is raining so hard that the short walk between the car park and the hotel leaves them both drenched, leaving a large pool of water on the tiled floor of the foyer and leaving a trail of water everywhere they go. They book in and head straight to their room, the Queens suite. It is the only one left as there is a conference in town and a big football match too.  
“This escape will give us time to talk properly, enjoy the wine and share the bag of roses chocolates that I have pinched from the ward too.” Bernie shyly smiled at her suggestion, she never wanted to go back to their shared home, go back home to Marcus and the spare room; she wanted to work herself into the ground but this was the far better option.

The fallen empires,  
The shattered glass  
The wicked echos of my past.  
I've seen it all before, that's why I'm asking.

They talk for hours, dried now and dressed in the supplied towelling bathrobes. Bernie talks more about her past with Marcus, why she married him, why she hasn’t divorced him sooner. Serena talked about her mother’s battle with Alzheimer's and Elinor’s incessant badgering for more money and wanting her to get back with Edward.   
They talk about all of the mistakes Serena has made in her life, including waiting until today show Bernie how she feels. With that Serena again presses her lips to Bernie’s, tentatively as they have talked for hours and hours, their is no truth left to be said, just slow exploration. Hands wander, clothes stripped and bodies merge together until they are sated and sleepy.

Will you still be here tomorrow  
Or will you leave in the dead of the night?  
So your waves don't crash around me,  
I'm staying one step ahead of the tide.  
Will you leave me lost in my shadows  
Or will you pull me into your light?  
Teach me how to be loved

Serena wakes the following morning to find the bed empty, a note on the pillow saying goodbye and sorry. The bed is cold she knows Bernie must have left some time ago, but where? Serena switches on her phone and tries to ring Bernie but it was switched off still, just the voicemail. When they finally meet in their shared office, Bernie says that they should leave their undeniably sexual chemistry in the theatre and in the hotel room; she leaves the office and continues on her ward rounds as if nothing had ever happened between them. 

This is how it goes for several weeks.

Slowly they build up their friendship once again. They share a bottle of wine nearly every night at Albie's, Bernie even goes over for tea with Serena and Jason a few times, all the time something left unsaid between them.

Can I give myself just one more second chance?  
And put my trust in love,  
Please don't hurt me.  
If I make myself like a feather in you hand  
And put my trust in love,  
Please don't hurt me.

They have a rough day. They see nearly a hundred patients between them, spend 6 hours in theatre together trying to save this young girl who is about their daughters age, in the end they lose the battle. They watch as she is wheeled down to the morgue, they scrub out and sit on the theatre room floor side by side, exhausted. Bernie blames herself, she wasn’t good enough, she should have done better, just to name a few. Serena turns to her and tells her in the most sincere voice she has, “you are the most fantastic fearless doctor in this entire hospital.” 

Bernie looks at Serena properly for the first time since she was laying in bed beside her in that hotel room, since she left said hotel room; terrified of hurting Serena like she did with everyone else in her life, but she did just that anyway.  
Serena gives a slight nod, she smiles……Bernie gives in and kisses her, right there on the theatre floor then pulls back, Serena again smiles at her and pulls their lips back together and thats how they stay until the theatre is needed again.  
“Come home with me Bernie, Jason is out tonight……we can talk.” Bernie takes the proffered hand and allows herself to be pulled up, taken down the corridor and into the locker room to change, then to Serena’s home.

Serena cooks pasta in a tomato and basil sauce, Bernie hovers around like she is lost. Just as Serena places the pasta in the oven to bake Bernie walks over to her and pulls her in for a bone crushing hug. “I love you!” she says and proceeds to kiss Serena passionately, who grapples on to Bernie for dear life.   
Their tea is eaten sharing smiles and wine, soon after they head upstairs, Bernie finally lets go of her fears, she embraces the love that Serena has for her, and what she has for Serena.

Will you still be here tomorrow  
Or will you leave in the dead of the night?  
So your waves don't crash around me,  
I'm staying one step ahead of the tide.  
Will you leave me lost in my shadows  
Or will you pull me into your light?  
Teach me how to be loved  
Teach me how to be loved

When they wake late the next morning, Serena’s fears are not founded. The person attached to the mop of blonde hair is still fast asleep, face down in her pillow with one arm flung over her chest, her palm placed over Serena’s breast. There is a note left on the bedside table, leaning against the lamp……..it just reads “teach me how to be loved.” Serena vows to do that for as long as she is breathing.


End file.
